Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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