If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
