my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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