My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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