Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
