Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
