i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
