meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
