Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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