i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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