um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize