I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
