Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
