some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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