i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
