Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize