is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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