I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
