My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
