So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
