I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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