these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my phone needs a breathalizer
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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