if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
