True but thats because hes a fetus.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
