All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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