A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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