You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
