I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize