I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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