i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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