Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
