Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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