i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
