your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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