maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
