I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
