Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
wanna go halves on a baby?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
