the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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