I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
