idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
