he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
