i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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