it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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