We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
