Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
