Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
