I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
