I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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