just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
