I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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