I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
