Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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