He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
someone owes me an orgasm
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
