do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Randomize
