READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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