we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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