I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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