My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
