I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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