the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
