I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
