i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
