She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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