If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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