after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
