He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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