I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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