would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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